Headlines You Will Never See, Vol. III

Another edition of HYWNS brought to you by WHYGRR.
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Al Qaeda Presses Bin Laden for Jihad Timetable
"He's had five years. Who wants to be the last suicide bomber to die in this war?" ask moderate Muslims.



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Darwinian Evolution Powerless over Homosexuality
You can believe people are born gay or Darwinian Evolution, not both.



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Shirking Replaces Baseball as National Pastime
Baby-mamas point finger at deadbeat dads who blame George Bush, McDonald's, Halliburton, Karl Rove, second hand smoke, and trans-fats.




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Democrats Pro-Choice on Abortion, Work, Fatherhood, Marriage
"When it comes to commitment, we support freedom of choice."



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Military-Industrial Complex Dwarfed by Media-Industrial Complex
"Are we writing stories that simply don't have to be written?"



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Is Big Coffee Behind U.S. Strikes on Somalia?
Cheney probed for financial ties to Starbucks, Chock Full O' Nuts.



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Metrosexuals Demand Civil Rights Protections
"Just because we look gay doesn't mean we are."



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Special Report: Church of Satan gave little to Katrina victims in 2006.
Charges of greed and selfishness rock organization.



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Congressional Black Caucus Pressures Networks for More Black TV Shows.
In other news: 75,000 Africans died today of genocide, AIDS, slavery, and famine.