More Guanatamo Abuse
The U.S. Army bristled at new reports of prisoner abuse this week from Time Magazine. The allegations include the dumping of a water bottle on the head of the 20th hijacker, Mohamed al-Qahtani and the invasion of the same prisoner's "personal space by a female interrogator.
The report did not mention as to whether al-Qahtani was allowed to finish his second helping of fried chicken with double vegetables, before being forced to withstand the foul presence of a woman.
Senate hearings next week focus on charges from Democrats Pat Leahy and Joe Biden alleging that
- failed to invite or invited only popular prisoners to staff birthday parties
- implied that certain prisoners had a "crush" on a female guard named only "Lt. Marsha"
- did not share the only copy of Tony Hawk Pro Skater for PlayStation
- borrowed musical albums yet did not return them
- returned borrowed power tools but with damage in some instances
- did not support the writing ambitions of one very talented terrorist author even though he is really really good
- hogged the remotes
- did not wipe down exercise equipment after using it
- ate entire box of Triscuits even though "al-Qahtani" was clearly written on it
- left toys on the stairs
- left socks on the floor
- stood up in canoes
- tipped consistently below 18% when eating out causing acute embarrassment to the fragile sensibilities of at least 5 enemy combatants
- forced prisoners to go swimming without waiting the requisite 30 minutes after finishing dinner
- forced prisoners to wear white shoes after Labor Day
- downloaded pirate mp3s
- flossed poorly if at all
- served Chardonnay with beef entrees instead of requisite Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot