Wednesday, June 15, 2005

More Guanatamo Abuse

The U.S. Army bristled at new reports of prisoner abuse this week from
Time Magazine. The allegations include the dumping of a water bottle on the head of the 20th hijacker, Mohamed al-Qahtani and the invasion of the same prisoner's "personal space by a female interrogator.

The report did not mention as to whether al-Qahtani was allowed to finish his second helping of fried chicken with double vegetables, before being forced to withstand the foul presence of a woman.

Senate hearings next week focus on charges from Democrats Pat Leahy and Joe Biden alleging that
U.S. guards:

  • failed to invite or invited only popular prisoners to staff birthday parties
  • implied that certain prisoners had a "crush" on a female guard named only "Lt. Marsha"
  • did not share the only copy of Tony Hawk Pro Skater for PlayStation
  • borrowed musical albums yet did not return them
  • returned borrowed power tools but with damage in some instances
  • did not support the writing ambitions of one very talented terrorist author even though he is really really good
  • hogged the remotes
  • did not wipe down exercise equipment after using it
  • ate entire box of Triscuits even though "al-Qahtani" was clearly written on it
  • left toys on the stairs
  • left socks on the floor
  • stood up in canoes
  • tipped consistently below 18% when eating out causing acute embarrassment to the fragile sensibilities of at least 5 enemy combatants
  • forced prisoners to go swimming without waiting the requisite 30 minutes after finishing dinner
  • forced prisoners to wear white shoes after Labor Day
  • downloaded pirate mp3s
  • flossed poorly if at all
  • served Chardonnay with beef entrees instead of requisite Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot
Press Secretary Scott McClellan promised a full internal investigation, but made clear that the actions of a few "poor flossers who leave socks about" should not reflect badly on the vast majority of service men and women who "tip well and know how to share."


Blogger Darrell said...

The "triscuits" line killed me. Did you see Max Boot's article the other day? It's worth reading.

6/18/2005 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger f mcdonald said...

forced prisoners to wear white shoes after Labor Day

Now that is beyond the pale! There's just something about men in white shoes that creeps me out. It's something Bill Clinton would do if he didn't have a handler.

6/22/2005 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Like You said...

Heh heh, Flora. Your comment reminds me of Coulter's description of William Jefferson Clinton as a "lying, Jimmy Swaggart horn-dog type!"

6/25/2005 09:39:00 PM  

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