U.S. Department of Hyperbole Warns of Dwindling Supplies of Exaggeration
Shortages expected to hit major media outlets and Democratic Party hardest
Reuters July 2005
WASHINGTON - Citing increased demand, sources within the department responsible for monitoring inventories of overstated emphasis warn of ever dwindling supplies of words misused by many Americans every day.
Department Secretary William Brown appealed for calm today, but made clear that if Americans do not begin to describe people, places, and things with proportionately descriptive rhetoric, mandatory rationing could begin for some words currently on the endangered list.
Brown cited "Nazi", "Liar", "Gulag", "Torture", and "Outrage" as the words most in danger of extinction. "We simply no longer have the luxury of throwing out "Gulag" anymore to describe confinement conditions less than agreeable to the prisoner. The term 'Nazi' must be reserved to describe Hitler's National Socialist Party or his followers. An "outrageous" event should be in some form or fashion, well, literally "outrageous."
Following a Rose Garden reception for South Korean Prime Minister Lee Hae-Chan, President Bush reinforced the Secretary's message, "History books need these important words to warn future generations of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Hussein, and others who have filled gas chambers and mass graves with the innocent. I urge every American to mean what they say."
Echoing Mr. Bush's comments, Vice-President Cheney added that creative works of fiction could also be affected, "It's worth noting that Pinocchio could not be written today due to the shortage of the word "Liar."
Democratic National Committee Chair Howard Dean dismissed the President's comments as "The latest outrage by white Christians who want nothing more than to silence women and return minorities into slavery. The entire Bush Administration has been one lie and one atrocity after another."
Mr. Dean was suddenly surrounded by Federal agents and notified he would be placed under arrest for violation of the Endangered Language Act of 2005. The diminutive Dean proved difficult for agents of average height to apprehend running through the legs of 3 officers and careening off a reporter's knee before finally being taken down by tazer. Onlookers casually dispersed as agents began furiously pummeling a semi-conscious Dean with night sticks.
Reuters July 2005
WASHINGTON - Citing increased demand, sources within the department responsible for monitoring inventories of overstated emphasis warn of ever dwindling supplies of words misused by many Americans every day.
Department Secretary William Brown appealed for calm today, but made clear that if Americans do not begin to describe people, places, and things with proportionately descriptive rhetoric, mandatory rationing could begin for some words currently on the endangered list.
Brown cited "Nazi", "Liar", "Gulag", "Torture", and "Outrage" as the words most in danger of extinction. "We simply no longer have the luxury of throwing out "Gulag" anymore to describe confinement conditions less than agreeable to the prisoner. The term 'Nazi' must be reserved to describe Hitler's National Socialist Party or his followers. An "outrageous" event should be in some form or fashion, well, literally "outrageous."
Following a Rose Garden reception for South Korean Prime Minister Lee Hae-Chan, President Bush reinforced the Secretary's message, "History books need these important words to warn future generations of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Hussein, and others who have filled gas chambers and mass graves with the innocent. I urge every American to mean what they say."Echoing Mr. Bush's comments, Vice-President Cheney added that creative works of fiction could also be affected, "It's worth noting that Pinocchio could not be written today due to the shortage of the word "Liar."
Democratic National Committee Chair Howard Dean dismissed the President's comments as "The latest outrage by white Christians who want nothing more than to silence women and return minorities into slavery. The entire Bush Administration has been one lie and one atrocity after another."
Mr. Dean was suddenly surrounded by Federal agents and notified he would be placed under arrest for violation of the Endangered Language Act of 2005. The diminutive Dean proved difficult for agents of average height to apprehend running through the legs of 3 officers and careening off a reporter's knee before finally being taken down by tazer. Onlookers casually dispersed as agents began furiously pummeling a semi-conscious Dean with night sticks.
posted by BohemianLikeYOU at 7/21/2005 08:15:00 PM
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