Wednesday, January 04, 2006

U.S. Department of Hyperbole Warns of Dwindling Supplies of Exaggeration

Shortages expected to hit major media outlets and Democratic Party hardest

(I'm on vacation until Monday. Until then, enjoy a re-post from the archives)

Reuters January 5 2006

WASHINGTON - Citing increased demand, sources within the department responsible for monitoring inventories of overstated emphasis warn of ever dwindling supplies of words misused by many Americans every day.

Department Secretary William Browning appealed for calm today, but made clear that if Americans do not begin to describe people, places, and things with proportionately descriptive rhetoric, mandatory rationing could begin for some words currently on the endangered list.

Browning cited "Nazi", "Liar", "Gulag", "Torture", and "Outrage" as the words most in danger of extinction. "We simply no longer have the luxury of throwing out 'Gulag' anymore to describe confinement conditions not luxurious.

The term 'Nazi' must be reserved to describe followers of Hitler's National Socialist Party -- certainly not your parents or the President. And, an 'outrage' should be in some form or fashion, well, literally outrageous."

Following a Rose Garden reception for South Korean Prime Minister Lee Hae-Chan, President Bush reinforced the Secretary's message:

"History books need these important words to warn future generations of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Hussein, and others who have filled gas chambers and mass graves with the innocent. I urge every American to say what they mean and mean what they say."

Echoing Mr. Bush's comments, Vice-President Cheney added that creative works of fiction could also be affected, "It's worth noting that Pinocchio could not be written today due to the shortage of the word "Liar."

Democratic National Committee Chair Howard Dean dismissed the President's comments as "The latest outrage by white Christians who want nothing more than to silence women and return minorities into slavery. The entire Bush Administration has been one lie and one atrocity after another."

Mr. Dean was suddenly interrupted and surrounded by Federal agents and notified he would be placed under arrest for violation of the Endangered Language Act of 2005. The diminutive Dean proved difficult for agents of average height to apprehend running through the legs of 3 officers and careening off a reporter before finally being taken down by tazer.

Onlookers casually dispersed as agents drew night sticks and began furiously pummeling a semi-conscious Dean.


Anonymous ray b said...

Hyperbole works both ways as your blog consistantly shows (are most Democrats really traitors, I don't think so) - if you really want a left leaning enemy to rant about, try this guy:

1/06/2006 08:24:00 AM  
Blogger OORANOS said...

Have a good time

1/08/2006 05:10:00 AM  
Blogger f mcdonald said...

Hurry back! The Swimmer and his buddies are ripe with material for you!

1/11/2006 11:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Cheney's daughter said...

"Authentic war heroes (including McCain) often play down their own heroism. In any event, what we know about Murtha, McCain, Kerry and, yes, Bailey, is that they served in combat in Vietnam. What we know about Bush and Vice President Cheney ('I had other priorities in the '60s than military service') is that they didn't.
--E.J. Dionne

1/18/2006 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger f mcdonald said...

Kerry served in Viet Nam?

1/18/2006 10:10:00 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Like You said...

Authentic war heroes (including McCain) often play down their own heroism.

Yes, like my father, the Combat V decorated Marine Infantry officer who served heroically in Viet Nam. Some of his closest friends don't know this about him because he hasn't tried to use it for political advantage. (My father was politically active at the local level.)

President of the Media, John McCain, hasn't delivered a speech since 1979 where he didn't remind everyone of his service and his internment.

1/19/2006 06:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Cheney's other daughter said...

1/19/2006 12:02:00 PM  
Anonymous ray b said...

WHITE HOUSE (AP) - If that was really Osama bin Laden on a tape aired today, the White House says it rejects the offer of a truce in the war on terror.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellen declares, "We do not negotiate with terrorists."

That's right -- Reagan was the one that negotiated with terrorists! Remember Ollie North's notes: Two tow missiles equals one hostage.

1/20/2006 08:56:00 AM  

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