Thursday, November 16, 2006

Miracle of Erosion Discovered

Rock formations resembling the faces of U.S. presidents evolve from the effects of erosion in South Dakota.

From left to right, many claim to see the resemblances of George Washington,
Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln.

Geologists are thrilled with the remarkable discovery calling it the most impressive achievement of natural history to date. However, many scientists insist the likenesses are not portraits, but merely the appearance of portraits.

"What we have here is the cumulative effect of trillions of transitional changes over time creating what our human minds perceive as faces. Many Americans desperately long 'to see' their forefathers up there. This reassuring notion is quaint, but it folds like a deck chair when confronted with the truth that our primitive brains are constantly trying to make sense out of an otherwise chaotic world," said Richard Dawkins (left), author of The God Delusion.

"Once we start seeing faces up there, we've started down a path that will lead to knuckle-dragging creationist intolerance or scupture, even."

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I am now a Democrat

After Tuesday, isn't it time to redefine loyalty, commitment, and integrity?

It's clear the Republicans have missed the point on Iraq and deserved to lose big this election year. Tuesday's Democratic surge proves that we need to reconsider our committment to that country and heck, let's not stop there. What other rigid loyalties do we stubbornly hold on to despite the difficulties?

For instance, it's true that I authorized the justice-of-the-peace to marry my wife and me, but I didn't know that he was actually going to proceed with it. Due to this deceptive miscalculation, I find myself locked in an expensive and protracted struggle that requires me to come home at night, stick around
even during arguments, remember anniversaries, birthdays, and worst of all sacrifice my money on people other than myself.

Also, it was never made clear to me (and apparently many others) that "marriage" would mean an end to seeing other women. It's true this was mentioned, but not discussed in a bi-partisan fashion where alternative viewpoints could emerge.
"For better or for worse" is outmoded needs clarification in light of the lies told at the outset of this effort.

Further, while I "sponsored" the act that led to my daughter, I never at any point authorized the many encroachments upon my time and money that being "a father" demand. Now, I learn that I may be on the hook for her education, security, and general welfare until she turns 18! I did not sign up for that when I said, "I do." That's for sure.

It seems that the judge who performed our ceremony rushed headlong into the wedding, but had no plans for our marriage. As such, isn't it time I reconsider my oaths in light of these new developments? Fairness demands it, I believe.

Thank you John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, Howard Dean, and Harry Reid for helping me to see the light. I owe it to myself to reconsider these things.

After all, give me convenience or give me death.