Thursday, December 29, 2005

Bush: "It depends on what your definition of 'wiretap' is."

President admits bugging phones of terrorists but insists, "I didn't listen."

WASHINGTON - A visibly angry President Bush today countered charges of domestic espionage by challenging his detractors to define the words "have", "has", "had", "be", "am", "is", "are", "was", "were", "been", and "being".

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

If A Man Says Pee Pee Poo Poo on Satellite Radio and With No FCC to Hear Him...

Is it still funny?

Howard Stern's New Program Lineup on Sirius Satellite Radio

07:00 - 09:00 AM: Daily Sodomy Roundup
09:00 - 11:00 AM: Pee Pee Notes
11:00 - 12:00 PM: Poo Poo Jokes

12:00 - 12:15 PM: Weather

12:15 - 12:30 PM: Sean Penn Interview - Actor discusses Farts & Strippers

12:30 - 12:45 PM: Traffic

12:45 - 01:00 PM: Miscellaneous Debasement and Degradation

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Magi Came from the East

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Presbyterian Suicide Bombers Kill Twenty-five Outside Vermont Mosque

Another edition of "Headlines You Will Never See."

Radical Presbyterians moments before detonation.

Democrats Rejoice as First Post-election Bomb Goes Off in Iraq
"We've come too far to let something like the second largest election in Arab history shake our confidence," says a relieved Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).


Nation's Teachers Agree Salaries Are Fair for Only Eight Months of Work
NEA members overwhelmingly approve a new performance-based pay scale.


Sitcom Fathers Portrayed as Smart, Resourceful, and Wise in New Primetime Lineups for 2006
"This shift will result in a 35% drop in roles for eye-rolling, smart-ass child actors," says NBC creative consultant Bill Cosby.


Pro-Choice Activists Take to the Streets to Save Unborn Dolphins
"Bush is Hitler!" explain Greenpeace activists educating passers-by on risks faced by pregnant dolphins.


Tolerant Liberal Brother Ruins Thanksgiving for 4th Consecutive Year
"Why don't you bourgeois white-trash Christians just go watch your homo-erotic football games and leave me alone," says compassionate college junior.

Check out the first edition of "Headlines You Will Never See" here.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Kerry: "Since 9/11, George W. Bush has squandered global sympathy by arrogantly liberating fifty million people."

"We need a President who will not unilaterally champion human rights," Senator Kerry (D-MA) tells veterans.

"My party had a plan. A plan that would strengthen partnerships and build trust among our European friends.

A plan that involved a high level study of Iraqi suffering resulting in a report and resolution to the Security Council
advising on barriers to solutions, a task force empanelled to study root causes, a review of alternative suggestions by a bi-partisan, bi-cameral commission to be named in 2006, the recruiting of allies to advise on inclusionary models of problem solving, and finally a report to determine if more study is required before submission to U.N. member states for review.

A plan the President completely ignored in his reckless run up to this unjust war."

Elton John's Pianist Refuses to Perform Citing Exhaustion from Non-stop Tinkling

Entertainer sues musician for premature exit of contract and stamina problems.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Democrats Hold Emergency Closed Door Meeting to Determine What the Media Wants Them to Say

"Folks, just tell us what you need," Reid asks journalists.

"You should each have a piece of paper in front of you and a #2 pencil. Simply circle the words you would like to hear me say tomorrow on the Senate floor."

Below is a portion of Reid's "multiple-choice speech" reviewed and edited by media today:

The war in Iraq continues to [make historic progress / alienate and anger the entire world]. Our President has demonstrated [epic hubris / gritty determination] in his effort to carry out this [unjust war / noble effort.]

The Senate Democratic leadership will continue to [demand the truth / support the President wholeheartedly] as we pray for the troop's [safe return / humiliation they so richly deserve.]

It's [clear / impossible to know] now that Saddam Hussein [did / did not] have weapons of mass destruction. However, no one can [deny / confirm] that this undertaking was [the right / the wrong] thing to do.

We want to make sure that the Iraqi people know that we're [on their side / going to leave very soon.] And, if you're like me, you think there has not been enough attention paid to [positive achievements / Abu Ghraib]......cont'd

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Outrage at the U.N. Over Iranian President's Remarks Denying Holocaust

Security Council threatens Iran with twelve resolutions over the next twelve years.

France votes for twelve resolutions and warns President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that it may lobby for a baker douzaine (baker's dozen) should he not keep his anti-Semitic nuclear ambitions private in the future.

The Security Council also reminded Iran that failure to comply with any of the resolutions could result in the creation of a highly lucrative "Oil for Food" program from which they could siphon billions to build nuclear weapons.

In related news, Democratic speechwriter Chris Matthews describes remarks as, "not evil, they just have a different perspective."

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Dean: "Republicans are polluting the true meaning of Christmas with religion."

DNC Chair vows to take back the non-denominational traditional winter festival from "the nuts who have hijacked it."

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Washington State Democratic Party Mocks Christianity

Democratic intolerance continues its march towards persecution.

From WoldNetDaily:
The official website of Washington State Democrats sold magnetic car stickers of the Christian fish symbol and cross emblazoned
(above) with the word "hypocrite" on a background of hellish flames.

The offending item has since been removed after this Washington State blogger took notice and publicized it. A screen capture of the original page can be seen below (click to enlarge).

The contact email from the page is listed as Contact Bertha if you'd like to discuss.

I emailed her today to let her know that Christians throughout history are no strangers to persecution and that it may surprise her to learn that most Christians I know expect to see
violent persecution against them in our lifetimes. After all, from the Pharisees to Nero to Stalin, Christians have been killed and tortured for practicing their faith. Many believers are suffering right now around the world in prisons, makeshift jails, and some are even awaiting execution.

However, mockery and violence have served only to make Christianity stronger throughout the ages. Neither Stalin nor Nietzsche could kill it. Christ foretold this in the book of Matthew saying, "All men will hate you because of me" and again in the book of John, "Do not be surprised my brothers if the world hates you."

Many other passages make clear, that if you believe, you will suffer for it. After all, it's easy to deny you believe in anything that's inconvenient or puts you in danger. Also, belief in nothing makes it impossible for you to be a hypocrite.

Of course, persecution of believers does not start all at once. In hindsight, Kristallnacht was a long time in the making. Incrementally, by degree, the heat and hostilities were turned up until outright brutality against a particular group was not only excused, but demanded by law.

I don't know if the average German citizen after WWI interpreted the mockery of Jewish symbols, the rising anti-Semitism, and the national scapegoating as a sign of unimaginable things to come. However, I'm sure there was the same misplaced sense of righteousness among patriotic National Socialists who partook in it.

Illustration from a 1936 German children's book where the headline reads,
"How the Jew Cheats Germany."

The game is definitely afoot. Below are the results of my five minutes of Googling the words "Air America" and "Christian:"

"...a murderous collection of warmongers with whom he [Dick Cheney] operates -- known variously as Republicans, neoconservatives, and Christian conservatives."

" there any doubt left, even among his most ardent and willfully ignorant followers, the Armageddonist Christian fanatics who insist he [President Bush]is a "godly" man..."

"...these bible thumpers in this area are dumb /gullible enough to fall for their crap." "What's the difference between the Taliban and American "Christian" Fundamentalists? Only the Death Toll. "

" this hour. ESTHER KAPLAN, author of "With God On Their Side: How Christian Fundamentalists Trampled Science, Policy and Democracy in George W. Bush's White House."

"The good ole southern boys would like those last three letters. That settles it. The United Corporated Christian States of America is a winner."

To a man praying nearby before a meal, "Your God is one who you sincerely believe gives a flying f*ck about your lunch. Your God is one who you seem to believe watches over you..."

"Did you ever stop to think just what a rancid assh*le such a God would have to be, such that he would take care of the likes of you..."

Ironically, being a Christian demands recognizing hypocrisy in yourself. No good Christian will deny this. As humans, we're imperfect in many ways -- hypocrisy is just one of the sins for which we pray for guidance in defeating.

I would urge the Democratic Party as a whole to reconsider its anti-Christian stances and remarks of late. After all, at what point does it run afoul of their long standing commitment to tolerance?

At what point does this mockery become hypocrisy itself?
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Luke chapter 23

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

An Embedded John Kerry Joins U.S. Soldiers for House-to-House Searches

Massachusetts Senator will help soothe terrorized women and children with funny faces, balloon animals, and puppet shows.

Senator Kerry thrills children 5 miles outside a Karbala.

Delta Force Commandos wait for Kerry to finish story time.

Much more here from Generation Why.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

"Our Troops Must Stay" by Joe Lieberman

With the non-stop media coverage of Murtha-fest 2005, you may have missed this editorial by the lone voice of reason in the party of treason, Joe Lieberman (D-CT).

This principled Democrat would get my vote in a Presidential contest against "Republican" John McCain (RINO-AZ).

Our Troops Must Stay
America can't abandon 27 million Iraqis to 10,000 terrorists.

I have just returned from my fourth trip to Iraq in the past 17 months and can report real progress there. More work needs to be done, of course, but the Iraqi people are in reach of a watershed transformation from the primitive, killing tyranny of Saddam to modern, self-governing, self-securing nationhood--unless the great American military that has given them and us this unexpected opportunity is prematurely withdrawn.

Progress is visible and practical. In the Kurdish North, there is continuing security and growing prosperity. The primarily Shiite South remains largely free of terrorism, receives much more electric power and other public services than it did under Saddam, and is experiencing greater economic activity. The Sunni triangle, geographically defined by Baghdad to the east, Tikrit to the north and Ramadi to the west, is where most of the terrorist enemy attacks occur. And yet here, too, there is progress.

There are many more cars on the streets, satellite television dishes on the roofs, and literally millions more cell phones in Iraqi hands than before. All of that says the Iraqi economy is growing. And Sunni candidates are actively campaigning for seats in the National Assembly. People are working their way toward a functioning society and economy in the midst of a very brutal, inhumane, sustained terrorist war against the civilian population and the Iraqi and American military there to protect it.

Read the whole thing here in the Wall Street Journal.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Planned Parenthood Covers-Up Child Sexual Abuse by Adult Males

Listen to what Planned Parenthood offices tell 13-year-old girls raped by a 22-year-old.

"As long as you have the money and yourself, you're fine..." Actual advice from a New Jersey clinic counselor.

A pro-life group recently encouraged a team of girls to call Planned Parenthood clinics and pretend to have been sexually abused by adult males. In case after case, clinic counselors willingly helped schedule abortions and provided advice on how to conceal the age and identity of their 22-year-old "boyfriend."

Hear these conversations below:

Audio only: To hear excerpts from the Planned Parenthood tapes, click here.

Video with transcript: To view a transcript along with the audio, click on Real Player or Windows Media.

More audio files from California: Another group in California contacted dozens of state Planned Parenthood offices and taped their advice to the 13-year-old callers. Different states - same message.

From this volunteer effort, the Kansas and Indiana Attorneys General are now investigating multiple clinics as part of investigations into child rape and late term abortions.

You can contact your legislators here to find out what's being done to protect kids from child predators and Planned Parenthood.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

TRAITOR: Murtha says U.S. Army "Broken, Worn Out, Living Hand-to-Mouth."

Muzzle this dog.

By Murtha's standards, the U.S. would have sought peace with Hitler 5 weeks into World War II.

This alternate reality of a quagmire in Iraq exists only in the minds of Left wing demagogues and their media whose hatred of George Bush now forces them now to "prove" mismanagement and strategic failure.

More dangerous is the message statements like Murtha's send to our enemies in Iraq and our future enemies we've yet to face -- "Kill 2000 of us, and we'll fold like a fan."

This sedition serves only to invite more violence upon us, not less. The day the Republican party tolerates this type aiding and abetting is the last day I call myself a Republican.

"Our boys were shocked by the low morale of the American soldier and they realized that the American soldier was just a paper tiger. He was unable to endure the strikes that were dealt to his army, so he fled."

Osama bin Laden's observations on Somalia and the impetus he cites for founding al Qaeda.
May 1998