Friday, May 19, 2006

How Familiar

How recognizable, how familiar to us, is the man...who confronted even with Christ, turns away to consider the judgement of his own conscience and to hear the voice of his own reason.

This man is with us still, free, independent, lovely, powerful, rational, responsible, brave, the hero of many novels and books in moral philosophy. The raison d'ĂȘtre of this attractive but misleading creature is not far to seek.

He is the offspring of the age of science, confidently rational and yet increasingly aware of his alienation from the material universe which his discoveries reveal .

In fact, this man had already received a glorious incarnation nearly a century earlier in the work of Milton: his proper name is Lucifer.

Iris Murdoch (paraphrased for brevity)

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Billy Graham Issues Fatwa against Dan Brown

Movie lovers nervous as evangelist promises "to rain down fire and sulphur" on theatres showing Da Vinci Code.

"Dan Brown has ducked scholarly debate by employing a novel-thriller format to deny the deity of Christ. So, let's see how well he ducks THIS," explained the aging evangelist in a grainy video broadcast Saturday on CNN.

The message concludes with Graham waving an AK-47 and stating slowly the specifications of the ammunition, "7.62 millimeter...full...metal...jacket..."

From a Beverly Hills bistro, actor and secular saint, George Clooney responded "on behalf of artists everywhere," applauding Brown for his "courageous exploration of the truth. I mean, he could have copped out and written a slam against Islam, but to take the fight to the dangerous, bigoted, and violent that's bravery."

Clooney then concluded the interview by ordering something way off the menu in fluent French.

President Bush expressed regret that Christian Evangelicals would resort to violence in response to Brown's attack on their religion. In his Saturday radio address the President criticized the book's purpose, but urged Christians everywhere to follow the example of "our Islamic friends - followers of the religion of peace."

University leaders are gathering in Boston next week to host an open forum designed to foster understanding towards Christians and their views. We must start by understanding their anger," explained organizer Ward Churchill.

"If we don't achieve mutual respect and tolerance for one another, then Billy Graham has won."

Friday, May 12, 2006

Howard Dean: It depends what your definition of "platform" is...

Click for the video

Dean represents Democrats perfectly: Say whatever you need to say to appeal to the audience you're speaking to at that moment. Now the gays are upset, his party is upset, and the rest of us are enjoying the transparency.

Dean said:
"The Democratic Party platform from 2004 says that marriage is between a man and a woman. That's what it says. I think where we may take exception with some religious leaders is that we believe in inclusion, that everybody deserves to live with dignity and respect, and that equal rights under the law are important."
What he meant to say:
"We support full inclusion of gay and lesbian families in the life of our nation and seek equal responsibilities, benefits, and protections for these families. In our country, marriage has been defined at the state level for 200 years, and we believe it should continue to be defined there. We repudiate President Bush's divisive effort to politicize the Constitution by pursuing a "Federal Marriage Amendment"."
What a moron.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Overfed and Under Read

Family Kicked Out Of Buffet Restaurant For Wasting Food

America's all you can eat culture greases the skids of the decline of Western civilization.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Parade Route Diverts Protesting Illegal Immigrants Back to Mexico

Administration thrilled as illegal workers inadvertently 'Walk-Out' of country.

"I can't believe they fell for this," says parade grand Marshall and legal immigrant Pablo Gonzalez. "I just started marching south and before you know it, Bienvenido a Mexico!"

Above: Illegal immigrants accidently emigrating.

In addition to the work stoppage, remaining immigrant workers across America are threatening to stop calling the fire and police departments, sending their kids to public schools, causing car accidents without insurance, using hospital emergency rooms for treatment of common colds, and riding on public transportation.

President Bush praised the legal immigrant community for this surprise solution to the nation's immigration problem. "The hard work and vision required to carry out such a bold initiative is truly American ingenuity at work."